Single moms have some serious standards for potential mates and partners. What are those standards? The answer can be summed up with: loving our kids. There is nothing more precious in our lives than our children, and we are the ones who set the example for them. We don’t date the failing personalities, or sleazy bar flies who hit on you last weekend. NOOOO. These men will never live up to the title “father.” Never in our lives will we want to show our children a poor example of a person, so we strive to improve our lives and make choices that will provide our children with positive examples.
What is it that defines a positive example within relationships? It’s different for everyone but there are standards that should really help us as women seeking a mate. I’ve been told before to let my standards down a little and that’s just not something I’m willing to do. It’s not because I’m being difficult, it’s because I love my kid so damn much.
Here are five simple standards I hold for any guy I begin to become interested in – regardless of how old my kids are.
- Loves your children right off the bat. This is especially important. Your kids must feel comfortable in front of, around, and talking to who could potentially be there future step-dad. Talk to your kids on how they feel about him, what their opinions are of him, and if they love him back. For those who are divorced parents the whole “loving your step-dad/mom” thing can be a touchy topic. Let them understand that no one can replace their dad or mom.
- Spends quality time with you. Your mate should spend quality time with you. This doesn’t mean every waking second, this means time where he is with you conversing, experiencing, and learning with you. If there’s no room to grow with him, then there’s no potential for the relationship to continue to flourish.
- Spends time with your kids, and the family. Just like they spend time with you alone, they need to have bonding time with the little ones (or grown ones). That little thing called trust is of the utmost importance between them and your kids, this potential partner will essentially be their second parent (hopefully), and the co-commander of the lot of you. Trust is the epitome of bonding.
- Respects you, your kids, and your family. Respect means everything big, small, and in between. This goes without saying quite frankly, however love and respect can sometimes be separate traits in a relationship. Love and respect should always be a pair and be reciprocated between you, your partner, and kids. In order to love someone you must respect him or her, and in order to respect someone you must love him or her. It’s cyclical.
- Has held a well paying job for more than five years. This means there are no gaps in employment for an extensive amount of time (more than a few weeks). If there are, then the market is either terrible for their “career,” or they can’t hold a job. If this is the case run the other way. Further to the point, you want a partner who goes the extra mile, has ambition, has goals, wants to make a life, not just work through it. Always make sure your goals align to a certain degree too. If you want to stay at home and raise more kids, than make sure you’re both on the same page. It goes the same way too if you want a career. Ensuring goals are aligned is a surefire way to ensure a successful relationship.
- Has similar goals. There’s nothing worse than diving into a relationship only to discover six months later you’re two totally different people and it will never work. Having a talk about your goals for you and your kids and what their goals are is absolutely okay to discuss in the early stages of the relationship. It’s a proactive way to look out for your kids’ best interest and yours. If you’re an apple and they’re a head of broccoli, it might taste good in a Plum packet, but it’s not going to leave a good taste in your mouth down the road. Leave the veggie tray behind and move onto sweeter things.
Ultimately you want your relationship to be a partnership where similar goals are set, life is created together, and love is made together in a lasting format that is healthy for both you and your kids. Don’t worry mama, you got this.